When Your 20’s Hurt

If I had a penny for every moment of indecisiveness I’ve had since I entered my twenties, my student loans would be paid off. The scary part is that I’m only 22. When I anticipate every choice that I’ve yet to make, my stomach drops. There’s a freedom that comes with youth but it’s undeniably terrifying. I’m constantly handed situations with ten different options and sometimes I wish someone would tell me which one to take.

With choices come consequences. Choosing one road opens some doors while closing others. Someone close to me once said that when he was 22 it felt like he was never where he was supposed to be. There was always a feeling of uneasiness or wonder when it came to his direction. Honestly, I think he said it pretty well. There’s a pain that corresponds to your twenties. It harps on you during the moments that should make you happiest. On paper, things look picture perfect, but it doesn’t always feel that way.

With that said there are so many choices you owe it to yourself to make, but they’re usually the hardest ones. Sometimes you need to separate yourself from the consequences of what could happen in order to be happy. If I sit here and calculate every possible outcome of one choice, I’ll never make a decision.

I struggle with thinking about how I should feel and how I actually do feel. My head fights my heart and that’s the hardest part. I feel guilty when things are seemingly going as planned and for some reason, I’m not satisfied.  After two years of moving up and down the east coast, transferring to three separate colleges, falling in love and learning a bit about myself, it’s time to be decisive. It’s time to give myself a chance to choose. I’ve decided there’s no such thing as regrets or the wrong decisions. I need to just embrace the choices I make and learn from whatever failure or success that come from them. My twenties may hurt like hell, but no one said they’d be easy.

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